


Reunited

by thefantasygoddess



Category: IT - Stephen King
Genre: Eating Disorders, F/M, Self-Esteem Issues, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-28
Updated: 2019-10-28
Packaged: 2021-01-05 11:16:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21207638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thefantasygoddess/pseuds/thefantasygoddess
Summary: Set two years before my other fic "Demons" when the losers reunite after twenty seven years to defeat Pennywise. Ben Hanscom's heart burns. Does Beverly Marsh's heart burn too?Side note: this fic includes actual dialogue and quotes from IT Chapter Two, which obviously I do not own.Trigger warning: eating disorder/sexual content (consensual)





	Reunited

**Author's Note:**

> So obviously there is nothing canon about Ben having an eating disorder. But having suffered myself I see his character as relatable. I definitely imagine him suffering from poor self esteem even after becoming "hot" and suffering from the lasting effects of his former self. And of being bullied for his weight. I see him as finding the eating disorder as a mechanism to control and contain his life, to keep it balanced. And I feel in my mind, this was all gently set off by losing contact with Beverly. His one true love. It just all snowballed from there and he took the emptiness that he used to fill with food and replaced it with literal emptiness, which in turn made him feel as though he gained the upper hand for once in his life.
> 
> Again this is just my take on it. So many stories focus on girls with eating disorders and not boys. Here is a Shameless plug. Check out Longbottom Rising on FF.NET. It is not finished, and I have gone on multiple hiatuses over the years including now but I DO have every intention of finishing it. And eventually plan to add it to my "works" on here. But that is another decent depiction of a male suffering from an eating disorder (another one of my favorite characters ever, Neville!).

Ben was nervous. 

The last time he had seen the losers was twenty seven years ago. Bill had made them promise to return if Pennywise should; and in turn sliced deeply into each and every one of their palms. 

Thus sealing the vow that no matter what they would return to Derry to finish what they left behind all those years ago.

Instinctively he felt his palm itch, he looked down at it and although faint, the scar was still there as a reminder. He had been sitting in his car for 45 minutes. His hands gripping the steering wheel so tightly his knuckles were white. He took long, deep breaths, trying to prepare himself.

Twenty seven years ago he had left behind his friends and the love of his life. Beverly Marsh. He loved her from the first moment they locked eyes. She was the first person to notice him, to speak to him without it leading into some kind of joke. 

She was the only person who signed his yearbook. And he kept the page tucked away in his wallet; the paper wrinkled and folded and aged. He pulled it out every so often and his heart burned. 

Your hair is winter fire.  
January embers.  
My heart burns there too.

His heart began to pound; just as it did when he received the call from Mike Hanlon. He feared it would burst out of his chest. Now it pounded with the thought of seeing Beverly again. 

He pulled down the visor and flipped open the mirror to take one last look at himself, making sure his hair was in place. He forced a smile and then scowled at himself. 

He could never compete with whoever it was who had Beverly's heart now; he pined for her after all of these years and it made him feel like a fool. 

Ben had had relationships, but none of them ever lasted. Because none of these women were Beverly.  


He pulled himself out of the car and stretched his long legs. He had lost a significant amount of weight since the losers last saw each other; and he was very committed to keeping it that way, no matter what it took.   


In fact, the idea of gaining weight terrified him.  
Ben shook his head to rid the memories of his former self. Fat and lonely. At the time he was fine with not having friends, simply going down in Derry history as being the new kid. He had books. He had everything he needed, including food to stuff down the sorrows and emptiness within him.

He straightened his back and began walking toward the restaurant, rehearsing in his head what he would say when he reunited with everyone. As he neared closer to the door, his eyes locked on a woman with her back turned, the color of her hair was unmistakable. 

Winter fire.

He gently cleared his throat, his heart pounded. 

This was it.

“Is there a password or something?”

The woman turned around, she appeared confused.

“I’m sorry?”

“New kid?”

“Ben?”

Her eyes widened slightly as he nodded.

They embraced and Ben took in the scent of her hair. He let his head fall into her shoulder. He never wanted to let her go. 

“Wow, you two look amazing. What the fuck happened to me?”

They both turned to see none other than Richie Tozier. 

He looked exactly as you could imagine him to look twenty seven years later.

The three of them made their way in and Richie hit the gong.

“This meeting of the losers club has officially begun,” he stated.

They all sat and immediately caught up and joked as if no time had passed at all. Ben surveyed all of the losers, everyone looked great. However, there was an unavoidable tension between them since Stan was not occupying the empty seat. 

It did not take long for the drinks and shots to come pouring in. They all ordered food and Ben stared blankly at the menu, trying to avoid having to actually order and also rationalizing what he could possibly have that would not ruin his physique. 

He finally settled on a single serving of cabbage salad. Which of course meant he caught flack from the guys, who teased him for it. His cheeks went pink and he tried to block it out. 

Ben mainly listened as everyone spoke and goofed off. He was so out of his element here. He could not remember the last time he had set foot in a restaurant let alone ate in one.

Every so often, he caught himself staring at Beverly. She caught him a couple of times and he quickly glanced away. He watched her as she watched Bill and she smiled at Bill and he smiled back. 

The memories came flooding back that Bill was the one who had stolen her heart first. Ben was just a faded memory, far from her mind. Back then and now. 

His heart burned. He suddenly lost his appetite, which was not hard considering for years he forced himself not to have one. 

He poked around at his salad and a few times raised his fork to take a bite but he just couldn’t. No one had noticed. 

He continued to pound shots and slowly sip on his beer, just keeping to himself in the background. 

“Wait, let’s talk about the elephant not in the room,” began Richie, which snapped Ben out of his daze. “Ben, the fuck man?” 

“Okay, okay…obviously I lost a few pounds.”

Richie continued.

“You’re like, uh you’re hot. You’re like every Brazilian soccer player wrapped up into one person. Gorgeous.”

The other losers gawked and laughed along with Richie in agreement.

Beverly could tell Ben was uncomfortable with all the attention and immediately spoke up. 

“You’re embarrassing him.”

Ben felt his cheeks flush.

“Okay, okay alright please, come on! Is Stanley coming or what?”

The mood suddenly took a darker turn.

“No no. He's a fuckin pussy, he’s not gonna show,” proclaimed Richie.

As the night went on things got crazy. Even Ben could not contain his amusement or genuine excitement to be reunited with his old friends. At this point they were all drunk and loud, noticeably annoying the other patrons. It was not long though that they were all disturbed by the same sight. 

It was Pennywise's doing and they all knew it. They panicked and jumped up, unable to believe what they were seeing. Mike was the only one who never left Derry, he was the only one who remembered everything. 

Mike stayed behind and carried on an obsession with learning more; and a relentless desire to defeat IT. 

Inside the fortune cookies placed before them revealed the words:

Guess Stanley couldn’t cut it.

What began as a night of fun and reminiscing soon turned into a terrifying reminder of what they were soon about to face.

\------

Everyone left until only Ben and Beverly remained, both desperately trying to clean up the mess they had made in the ensuing panic.

“Did you drive?” asked Beverly.

“Yeah.”

“You should take a cab home. I can walk. My hotel isn't far.”

Of course Ben would never let her do that. There was no way.

“No. Uh…come to my hotel. Just for tonight. You can have my bed and I’ll sleep on the couch.”

Ben would have never made the suggestion of her staying the night with him had he been completely sober and assumed it was the alcohol talking.

Beverly studied him closely. 

“Ben are you sure?”

He nodded. 

“We uh have some catching up to do,” he suggested softly.

So that is what they did. 

The cab dropped them off and they ran inside, giggling like school children.

When they reached his door, he fumbled with the key.

“Here let me do it.”

She grabbed the key from him and ushered him inside.

Ben was suddenly feeling woozy. Most likely a combination of an empty stomach and all of the alcohol he had been drinking. 

“You okay?” she asked. 

“Fine. Just going to…” 

He threw one leg over the back of the couch and allowed himself to flop loudly on the cushions.

“One more drink?” Bev asked, searching the mini bar.

“Sure why not?”

Of course one drink turned into multiple and they were laughing and slurring their words and shamelessly flirting with one another. 

“Bev…you have no idea how good it is to see you," He told her. He had the urge to tuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear. He fought the urge and won.

She looked down and began to rub the scar on her palm.

“That was the last time…twenty seven years ago. Bill made us promise, with our own blood.”

Ben immediately looked down at his scar.

“So new kid,” she teased, eyeing him up and down. “What do you like to do for fun?”

“Oh I’m not really…I’m so busy working usually.”

“Same,” she replied quietly. “I left my husband. Right before coming here actually. Things were not good.”

Ben felt his heart drop. He wondered what she had meant by that but did not want to push her into an explanation. 

“I’m sorry.”

To be truthful he wasn't. No one would be good enough for Beverly in his eyes, not even himself as much as he loved her. She was too beautiful for this ugly world.

“It’s okay. I won't miss him.”

They sat in silence. Ben took another shot and immediately regretted it. 

“I’m going to feel like shit tomorrow. I don't drink much,” he admitted. 

Beverly smiled. 

“You look so good Ben. I mean, truly. But when I look in your eyes…I see that same little boy, the new kid,” she smiled at the memory. “Remember when I caught you listening to New Kids on the Block?”

“Yes…” Ben groaned. 

“That was cute.”

Ben’s face fell into his palms. Here he was alone with the girl of his dreams and all she could say was that he was still the fat kid he used to be, oh and remind him of his New Kids on the Block obsession.

Beverly placed both hands on either side of his face. 

“Your eyes are the same. So passionate and loving. So kind. I have never felt that while looking at anyone else. You may be different physically, but you are the same sweet boy I met. Who made me feel important. Who made me feel seen."

She leaned in and gently pressed her lips to his, which he was not at all expecting.

Soon enough he kissed her back, his hands immediately went into her hair. He deepened the kiss but seconds later tried to pull himself up and she placed a firm hand on his chest. 

“I can stop…” 

“No Bev it's not that…I-"

“Good!"

She grabbed the collar of his shirt and hoisted him up from the couch. She pushed him along with her knees until he could feel the bed behind him and she shoved him onto it.

“Bev!”

Her shirt flew off of her and she shimmied out of her pants and began to unbuckle Ben's belt. She yanked his pants down and slowly lowered herself over him and began to unbutton his shirt. 

Ben should have reveled in this- and he did. However it was all happening so fast and they were both drunk. It just didn’t feel right. However, he would be insane to put a stop to it. Unless of course, she was so out of it that she had no clue what she was doing.

“Bev are you okay? Do you…do you actually want to do this?”

“Of course! Do you?”

He wanted to declare his love for her right then and there, and he felt he easily could have thanks to all of the alcohol coursing through his veins. But he didn't.

January embers.

This repeated over and over in his head.

He wrote those words so long ago and not a day went by when he did not think of that poem.

Did she realize? That it was him?

Instead of waiting on an answer she ripped his shirt off of him and ran her hands up and down his chest and began pulling at the band of his boxers, repeatedly snapping it against his firm stomach.

She kissed him ferociously and began gently biting his neck and bit him even harder on his shoulder.

He drew in a sharp breath.

“Oh my god, Ben did that hurt?!”

“No! Not at all.”

She was so dominate and Ben loved it. Although he knew this was just one night, a fling if you will. They would wake up the next morning and it would go one of two ways: they would ignore it and go about their ways, or they would joke about the encounter being solely based on the alcohol. 

Ben did not want that, he wanted more. But he was not going to deny himself the opportunity to have Beverly Marsh on top of him, or in his arms. It had been his dream for so long, only not like this.

He tried to push these thoughts into the back of his mind and just enjoy the moment.

Beverly crashed her mouth on top of his again and he moaned into the kiss. 

He stared up at her, her red hair toppled over her beautiful face. He grabbed her firmly around her small waist and flipped her over so that he was now on top. 

He tenderly kissed her neck all the way down to her breasts. She took in a sharp breath as he continued down to her stomach. He continued going down, down and farther down. Beverly gasped and shoved his head down even farther.

She gripped the sheets on the bed and began breathing heavily. 

“Oh my God,” she breathed in between moans.

Ben looked up at her and slowly came up. He hovered above her, just to take her in. Every single inch of her, just for another moment. She opened her eyes and gazed at him.

“Ben…” she whispered, as her hand came up and brushed his cheek. 

Now was his chance! To tell her he loved her and that he always did. He never stopped. 

But he couldn't. 

“I want you in me. Right now, Ben.”

He obliged.

\------

They fucked. 

It was hot, sweaty and so good. There were tender moments in between and he felt the desire multiple times to declare his love for her. It may have changed the mood, and set the tone of their encounter so that they would have actually made love. Which is what he would have preferred. 

He fell on top of her exhausted. She ran her fingers through his hair and smiled into his shoulder, giving it another bite, only softer this time. 

He rolled over and wrapped his arms around her. He held her so tight and she gripped his forearms with equal strength. 

“That was wonderful, Ben Hanscom.”

He felt himself blush, and was thankful it was too dark for her to see.

She slowly brushed her fingers down his cheek and under his chin.

“Where have you been hiding?” she asked. 

He had been hiding alright. Mainly from himself.

“I’m uh going to get some water. Would you like some?”

“I’ll take some wine,” she replied as she lit a cigarette.

He came back and handed her the glass.

She smiled at him.

In return he felt his heart melt. The burning had gone away. The moment did not seem real, yet as real as it was he knew it would soon come to an end.

Beverly only managed to take a couple of sips of wine before she passed out. Ben gently removed the glass from her hand and placed it on the bedside stand. 

He wanted nothing more than to pass out beside her. To hold her longer. To breath her in.

But he couldn’t. 

He rummaged through his suitcase and threw on a pair of sweat pants and an old band t-shirt. Surprisingly not New Kids on the Block but ZZ Top, who he was not even into. Somehow he had just inherited the shirt.

He was careful not to make a sound. He sat down on the couch. He needed to process what had just happened. What next? Would this lead to anything? 

Should he tell her how he feels? Should he recite the poem to her? Would she remember it?

Eventually he fell asleep.

\------

A few hours later the sun was officially up and he was being gently roused by Beverly. She was wrapped in a robe and her hair was wet from a shower. 

“Hey sleepy head,” she teased. "Jump in the shower and let’s go get breakfast.”

As he predicted his head was pounding and he felt like shit. He gagged at the remaining trace of alcohol on his breath and covered his mouth so Beverly could not smell it.

Unlike before at the restaurant, when Richie mentioned the elephant not in the room, there most certainly was one now. 

The thoughts came racing back to him, full speed.

“How are you feeling?” He asked, hoping not to bring on any awkwardness.

“I feel just fine.”

Ben wondered how she could not be hung over considering all they had drank but he did not question it.

“Come on. I’ll wait for you. The breakfast bar awaits us.”

Ben stood up and stretched. 

He got in the shower, not wanting to take too long and keep Beverly waiting. He washed himself and stepped out only to find Beverly waiting for him.

He blushed and attempted to cover himself.

“Oh Ben,” she laughed. “We’ve already seen each other. Remember?”

Remember? How could he ever forget!

She brought her hand up to his shoulder and delicately brushed her fingers over the visible mark she gave him. 

“Sorry.”

Ben smiled at her. 

“It’ll match the scar on my hand. Both came from good things-"

He stopped himself.

“Get dressed,” replied Beverly as she stepped out.

\------

He tried to tell her he wasn't hungry. 

He fought her tooth and nail and said to go on without him. 

“Nonsense Ben. You need to eat. You'll feel better.”

He relented and allowed her to drag him out of the room.

They sat down and he crossed his arms over his chest.

“Well come on,” she prodded.

“Not hungry.”

“Ben. Come on. Just a little something?”

“I feel like shit. I can't.”

She got up and returned with two plates. Some fruit concoction, some toast and scrambled eggs.

Beverly ate hers in what seemed to be three bites, not even tasting it.

Ben gently pushed his plate away. He refused to eat it.

“I appreciate it, Bev. But I just- I’m not hungry.”

She did not question him and Ben appreciated that. She just let him be. She did not nag him like some of the previous women in his life did when he chose not to eat.

In fact, Bev did not think anymore of it.

“So I’m sorry for coming on so strong last night…”

Ben wasn't.

“Oh uh well…” he gave a nervous laugh. “You know…things happen.”

The idea of Beverly not feeling the same way about him tore him up inside. He had had her, but he still felt empty. He needed more. But did she?

“So…” she began. “Let's kill this fucking clown.”

**Author's Note:**

> I just have to say...in most situations, real or fictional I have always been drawn to the underdog. In this case, Ben Hanscom. I am quite literally obsessed with the Benverly ship and ship it so hard I'm officially a "stan"...I applaud Jeremy Ray Taylor (child Ben) and Jay Ryan (adult ben) in their ability to convey their undying love for Beverly with just their eyes. And their expressions. It is just the purest form of love that I have ever witnessed in film. The brilliant Stephen King wrote it, and these two actors made it happen. Also, the casting of these two is ridiculously on point. Jeremy Ray Taylor and Jay Ryan literally have the same facial structure and (squinty) dark eyes, eyebrows, etc. Jay Ryan truly emulated and worked off Jeremy's performance from IT Chapter One.
> 
> Just great performances all around from the cast but the two Bens are standouts for me. The entire dynamic of Ben and Beverly's relationship is an entirely different narrative that takes this horror movie and also turns it into a classic romance for the ages.
> 
> Thank you for reading!
> 
> Xoxo


End file.
